Open auditions

Chad Michael Murray (Lucas Scott), “One Tree Hill”

Chad Michael Murray put in time as a poor woman’s heartthrob on WB staples “Dawson’s Creek” and “Gilmore Girls” long before creative negligence (or possibly a deal with the devil) landed him a starring gig on “One Tree Hill”—a show that continuously attempts to sell him as brooding and bookish. It’d almost be insulting if it weren’t so funny.

There’s the off chance that this season premiere’s four-year jump to the future finds Lucas recovering from a face transplant, but we have a feeling that CMM and “One Tree Hill” will join unkillable cockroaches as the only ones standing after the nuclear holocaust.