'Assassin's Bullet': Easy to dodge

Christian Slater stars in a scene from the motion picture ASSASSIN'S BULLET. HANDOUT Credit: ARC Entertainment [Via MerlinFTP Drop] (Credit: unknown, ARC Entertainment)

If you're wondering what happened to Christian Slater, the news isn't good: He was last spotted in Assassin's Bullet (1 star out of four, rated R, in New York and Los Angeles on Friday).

What snookered Slater (not to mention Donald Sutherland) into this film is a wonder, because there's not a genuine bone in it. Think the Bourne franchise meets the Bond franchise, without the wit or action.

Although it looks gorgeous (credit cinematographer Ross Clarkson), Bullet has the unfortunate fate of being a talkie. One that borrows heavily from the spy cliché handbook.

Based on a story by Elika Portnoy — who gave herself three vaguely different parts and costumes —Bullet centers on former FBI field agent Diggs (Slater) who is called back to duty to hunt a vigilante killing terrorists from America's Most Wanted list.

Set in Sofia, Bulgaria, Bullet is a movie in love with the way it looks. And that's usually picturesque, though the shots of building fa?ades and belly dancers can get repetitive.

Yet the film insists on trying to tell a story. Diggs is a closed-off agent still trying to get over the death of his wife. We know this because he still wears a wedding ring and looks at his photo album with a drink in his hand and water in his eyes. Still, he's good at his job, which is tracking hot killers.

Bullet must be the type of film that frustrates independent filmmakers with a story to tell and no money, because this film's challenge is the opposite. When they get to chew a scene together, Slater and Sutherland show what you can do with two actors and a close-up.

But Bullet can't help but step back and open fire with TV-grade stunts and grade-school dialogue.

Duck.