Susanna Sonnenberg is the author of "Her Last Death," a best-selling memoir about her struggle to break free of her glamorous and seductive mother, whose drug and sex addictions were second only to her chronic manipulations and lies. She recently chatted with Erin Keane, director of the InKY Reading Series, to discuss what it takes to expose yourself in your writings.
What was your goal in writing this book?
It's my attempt to eke out the truth for myself, to put into narrative a chaotic emotional experience and to make sense of the most profound influence of my life: my mother, and she was a liar. It's a pretty universal story of separating from one's mother, and that's what I hope will resonate with readers. There were some difficulties - I never really knew what was real because she was always making stuff up, and it was very hard to disentangle my identity from hers.
Truth and memoir are hot topics in publishing today, and yet many novelists mine their own lives for material to fictionalize. What made you decide to make this story a memoir instead of a novel?
I wanted to use the impact of reality and the truth as a contrast to the perpetual, vague ocean that I had been brought up in. In describing a liar and a lot of lies, I needed a counterpoint.
Are you comfortable presenting the details of your life so publicly?
I had no problem talking about intimate things if they served the story. These were the details I needed to tell: My mother was very sexually invasive and intrusive in my early life, and so sex was my maternal language. It was the language I grew up in. In my book, I wanted to show how, as an adult, that was the only way I knew how to speak. I'm not saying I blame my mother for my bad behavior. But how can we escape where we come from unless we consciously make decisions about it? The more we're able to recognize the humanity of all experience, the better we will be to each other, and that can't happen if you're hiding the less-flattering aspects of your life.
Among the details that shape you and shape your language is location. You're a New Yorker who now lives in Missoula, Montana, where you wrote your book. What effect did place have on your life and writing?
I started an MFA program in New York and found quickly I couldn't write there. I felt too aware of the social aspects of writing and of the publishing industry. New York thrives on a kind of narcissism that is glitzy and fabulous, but it's all about money and real estate and sex - the big score. That was the only way I knew how to live. So I moved far away, where I could gain the perspective I needed on my past behavior and on my relationship with my mother. Montana had an enormous effect on my life. Family visits became a big effort, so they had to be conscious and planned, which felt safe. Some people find safety in feeling the embrace of their families close by, and in my case that just wasn't so.
While you were writing a memoir on being a daughter, you were also writing a local newspaper column on motherhood. How did that work out?
It actually was really wonderful. In writing the book, I had to revisit really dark stuff and unpack a lot of very painful experiences. At the same time, I handed in a column every week about the messy joys of watching your children grow and the happy challenges of striving to be a better and better mother. It was a really great balance, and it sustained me in the way that my children, husband and family life sustain me now.
Sonnenberg will read from and sign "Her Last Death" at 7:30 p.m. Thursday as part of the Axton Reading Series at UofL's Ekstrom Library. She'll also appear at the InKY Reading Series at 7 p.m. Friday at the Rudyard Kipling, 422 W. Oak St. Both events are free.
|
|
